10 Astrology T-Shirts on Etsy That Don’t Know How To Zodiac

I don’t want to get down on people who are just trying to make an honest living on Etsy but Jesus Quincunx Christ, is the proper order of the zodiac too hard to learn? I should have learned that the answer is ‘yes’ based on the last time I wrote about 9 Things That Make Astrologers Go ಠ_ಠ but somehow I’m still shocked that basically MOST times a zodiac is depicted, it’s incorrect. These are real shirts for sale on Etsy, click on the images to see for yourself. Buckle up, because I’m not taking this well.

1.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/237489454/zodiac-shirt-womens-t-shirt-zodiac-star

Let’s start off with our standard zodiwack, a zodiac depicted backwards. This shirt says “I’m not afraid to wear purple because Mace Windu had a purple lightsaber and I struggle with clockwise directions.”

2.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/279754640/funny-birthday-shirt-libra-birthday-gift

It seems you’re pretty decisive about which way the zodiac goes. You decided wrong. You could have helped it. You show who you are.

3.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/616355205/capricorn-zodiac-astrology-sign

Oh look, you can spend $20 on a shirt with the zodiac going the wrong way around. Sign me up.

4.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/209401454/glow-in-the-dark-full-moon-and-zodiac

Zodiwack paddy wack give a dog a bone. The tropical zodiac is inherently solar, based intimately on the relationship between Earth and the Sun. So of course it makes sense to throw the tropical signs going the wrong way around…the Moon. Cool lunar phase sleeve though.

5.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/627351743/zodiac-shirt-galaxy-t-shirt-scorpio

Another wack ass zodiwack, complete with the zodiacal images going the wrong way as well.  Check out how Gemini and Pisces are the only glyphs not rotated. If you really squint, you can notice even more things that are wrong. Check out the house numbers on the innermost wheel.

  1. They’re also going the wrong way around.
  2. The houses are not aligned with the signs but equidistant, resembling equal houses, but who knows whether the Ascendant is in Aquarius or Pisces?
  3. Regardless of where the Ascendant is, it should be at the 9 o’clock position, but instead it’s pointing where the 12th or 11th is.

Overall this shirt says, “I double down on my mistakes, both in color choices and zodiacal direction. And while I fail, at least I fail harder next time”.

6.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/597529797/womens-astrology-t-shirt-dolman-style

While the zodiac is going in the right direction, the symbols are all tilted 90° to the right. So the original image likely had Aries in the 9 o’clock position and they clearly just rotated it without bothering to correct the orientation of each of the symbols. Now THAT is zodiwack.

7.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/505047143/libra-t-shirt-zodiac-shirt-birthday-gift

Another classic zodiwack, but that isn’t even the only problem here. The shirt is marketed toward Libra Suns, but if you’re born in September there is about a 70% chance your Sun is in Virgo, not Libra! In the tropical zodiac, the autumnal equinox marks the beginning of Libra, which is around September 22nd-23rd each year. Legends indeed.

8.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/605006690/im-not-perfect-but-im-a-gemini-so-close

Actually, it’s nowhere near close. The signs are all out of order. Check it out. It appears Scorpio is somehow opposite Aries, and apparently Scorpio, Pisces and Cancer are adjacent signs. Just a total mess. This shirt says “If you don’t love me when I’m butchering the zodiac, then you don’t deserve me being extra about my Gemini Sun”.

9.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/265922872/born-under-the-sign-of-the-scorpion-kids

It’s a given that this shirt is completely zodiwack, but there are a few other curiosities here. The phrase “born under the sign of [blank]” has always been somewhat ambiguous. Sometimes people say this with reference to the Ascendant, other times the Sun, and even the Moon. But we can’t even tell which one they’re referring to on this shirt. They took enough care to highlight Scorpio, but they didn’t even bother to put it in the ascending or even the culminating place like some of the other shirts tried to do. There are decorative Sun glyphs outside Aries and Libra and Moon glyphs outside Cancer and Capricorn, so that’s not very useful. We can presume they’re talking about the Sun in Scorpio, I guess. It says you can stamp it, but you might as well just stamp on it. This shirt may be worn by a child, but it’s only going to be bought by an adult who doesn’t know better.

10.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/632008617/leo-zodiac-sign-t-shirt-unisex-men-women

Here is a particularly egregious zodiwack. Of course the zodiac is going the wrong way, that’s a given at this point, but here’s what’s worse. This shirt is for a Leo Sun. Guess which glyphs the Leonine figure in the middle obscures? Aquarius, Pisces….and Leo. Of all the sun signs, you don’t want to market a shirt to Leo Suns and cover up the glyph for Leo… ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

When will t-shirt designers like, get the zodiac right? When will the madness end!?!?

Honorable Mention:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/618212992/kinky-zodiac-shirt-aquarius-butt-plug

This shirt does not feature a zodiwack, but it is still wrong. So, so wrong.

Liked it? Take a second to support Patrick Watson on Patreon!

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.